KING ZEUS

Joke du Jour

Roel — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. I make a joke for you.

Question: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Bah ha ha ha. Bah ha ha ha...

Chief Executive Dog

Roel — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:14:00 +0000

roëlphotography appoints Zeus to be Chief Executive Dog

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Stratford, Ontario – February 13, 2008. roëlphotography announced today that it has reached an agreement with Zeus to become their Chief Executive Dog (CED) effective immediately.

Zeus (also known as, "Dr. Zeus") holds a special certificate in Back Office Networking Expertise (BONE) and is especially well qualified with regard to Single Lens Elements & Emissions Products (SLEEP). He will spend most of his time at roëlphotography's head (and only) office in Stratford and has found the ideal ~~blanket~~ strategy for ~~sleeping~~ supervising staff.

When Dr. Zeus was asked about his appointment and also about his thoughts on the imaging industry as it pertains to roëlphotography, his comment was, "Woof."

For further information, please contact:

Dr. Zeus, CED

Tel: +1.888.301.0829

Email: zeus@roelphoto.com

The powers at be do not accept responsibility for the accuracy or the humour of this news release.

My Boots on You Tube

Roel — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:58:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. I produced a video of me in my new boots. I hope you like it!

Zeubie And Fun Things To Do

Roel — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:32:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. Many of you (including a few evil cats) have been writeding to me asking why I haven't been blogging much lately. HEY MAN, IT'S SUMMER! I gotta do fun things.

I like to go for walkies - and sometimes (with the help of my Uncle Maffew) I go swinging. I guess I am a swinging dog. Bah ha ha, I make a joke.

After all of this exercise and activity, a dog like me gets really hungry. I always say to my Gummy and Gumpa: "Hey man, I'm so hungry. Can I have a steak now?".

There are always so many good things to eated in the fridge, but they won't let me eated it. Good thing I have a secret stash of lamb cookies.

Me, the Gump-man and the Gumm-man live close to this place. Notice the 2 birdies having a conference. I hope they aren't talking about pooping on me. Evil birds.

Finally, when I go for my walkies, I sometimes meeted other dogs - but I wasn't sure about this one as he looked like a cat. But I knew she wasn't a cat because I have an extra large cranium (what the hell is that?) and she didn't meow.

I hope you had a good summer.

Woof!

The World Is Crazy

Roel — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 16:37:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

I have been absent because I have been on a secret mission. If I told you what it is, then it wouldn't be a secret. Bah ha ha - I make a joke.

A friend of mine sent this to me. It is so true...

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."

I will be providing my expert opinions in the weeks to come...

Watch this space.

Zeubie Doo

Food Review: Rollover Lamb Crunchies

Roel — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 17:53:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. As the resident gourmand, I am going to review all of the foods I eated. Even my snack food.

I have been having a problem lately - I normally meditate and think about blog topics while eateding a lamb cookie. But guess what? All of the dogs reading my blog caught on to how good lamb cookies are, so they went out to buyed all of them. There is a shortage of lamb cookies now. I'm so hungry.

So, I writed the lamb cookie company and was able to get more lamb cookies. Here is what they look like:

Rollover Lamb Cruchies (what I call lamb cookies) are very good. You can ask my Uncle Maffew, but I am not sure he has eated one yet. It is made from lamb and rice. They also make some from chicken, turkey and beef. They are all good, but the lamb ones are the best.

It comes in packages of different sizes. I like the double packages since I like to scarf lots of cookies. But be careful to take the plastic off or it don't taste good.

These cookies are good for my health too (but maybe not my gut) since they help clean my teeth. If I stop eateding them, then Gumpa said he's gonna buy a toothbrush for me. So, I will continue to eat my cookies. They don't help with dog breath though.

Overall Rating

4.0 BONES out of 5.0

I really like these cookies and recommend them to my friends. But, please don't eated all of them - and leave some for me, please?

Happy scarfing.

The People In Your Life

Roel — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 21:51:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

Someone wise once barked at me:

"People like each other tend to like each other"
(this also applies to dogs)

Look at the people in your life. Do you like them? Maybe not.

Then take an honest look at yourself. Do you see a correlation? Maybe not.

Wise people (and dogs) understand the correlation.

WOOF.

Race Against Time

Roel — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 03:11:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

I had a couple days free last week (you know, I am a busy dog) and read Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis. I wasn't sure whether I should be sad by this book or just angry.

I was going to do a book review, but this book warrants more than a review. It is about the AIDS pandemic in Africa and how we in the west (i.e. the rich nations) have made things worse.

Did you know:

There will be 25 million children orphaned in Africa by AIDS by 2010?
There is a new AIDS orphan in Africa every 14 seconds?
The average age of a child who is in charge of a "Children Led Household" is 8 years old?
The average African lives on less than one dollar ($1) a day?
Children (even orphans) have to pay "user fees" to receive education and basic health care - even in the poorest nations?

I could go on and on... it is really sad.

BUT - instead of being sad (or mad) let's do something about it! Get involved. Help spread the word. Talk to a friend. Write an article. Help raise some money for this cause. Donate to The Stephen Lewis Foundation. My Gumpa has even published a book to help out. You can see it here.

So, we can get mad or sad - OR let's help be part of the solution.

I wanna help these kids...

What do you value?

Roel — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 20:29:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

One day when Gummy and Gumpa went out, I decided to think about the meaning of life and that led me to an important question: What do I value in life?

I really enjoy scarfing lamb cookies. Or when someone rubs my tummy, that feels nice too. I even borrowed Gumpa's iPod and listened to all the cool disco music he has.

This is a picture of me and my pet snake.

It is cool to have so many things, but what is most important to me are my doggie friends and my family. I can always buy extra lamb cookies (do you know I have made over $0.60 with my Google Ads?) or other things, but people and dogs are more important than stuff.

I sometimes think that we get so caught up in buying stuff (full disclosure: I have 11 toys), that we often forget what we value the most.

So, what do you value most in life?

Is Marketing Really Common Sense?

Roel — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 19:26:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

I wasn't sure what to blog about today. When I went out for a pee earlier, I barked at a few dogs I know and we talked about some of the ridiculous marketing we see everywhere. My doggie friends and I keep hearing that good marketing is supposed to be nothing more than common sense.

I dunno. Some companies are having trouble selling their products and they have no clue as to why. For example, a certain North American automobile manufacturer says there is no market for fuel efficient cars. Their answer to turning around their company financially is to make more large trucks and SUV's and subsidize the gas they guzzle for a year. Huh? Meanwhile, a couple Japanese car manufacturers cannot keep up with the demand for hybrid vehicles and are posting record profits. People are even on waiting lists for SmartCars too (they are cute like me!).

So, how did the North Americans determine there was no market for fuel efficient cars?

Some companies have no clue what a customer wants... or maybe their marketing executives secretly know what their customers want to buy? It seems like they don't know what a customer looks like because they've never spoken to one. I guess that's what happens when one sits in the ivory tower (or cottage) and doesn't get out much.

I also understand that companies need to advertise in places where their customers will notice what they are selling. I know of a few high tech companies that advertise in art galleries and museums. Do their customers really go there to see their advertisements? Oh yes, they love the software advertisement next to the Monet...

I think a company needs to ask their customers what they want - and sell that to them. And ask them what periodicals they read and the places they hang out. Advertise there. There is no secret to successful marketing and sales - it is nothing more than understanding your clients' needs and serving them.

I guess common sense isn't really all that common anymore...

Gumpa's Ribs

Roel — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:07:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

I was meditating over a package of lamb cookies today and I wondered what my favourite food is... and they are spare ribs, even though I am not supposed to eated them. But I do anyway. Ha ha ha.

My Gumpa makes really good spare ribs and I like to eated them. So, I asked Gumpa for his recipe, and he gimme it.

This is me with my pet carrot. You don't put it in spare ribs.

Gumpa's Ribs Recipe

4 pounds of lean spare ribs
2 big honkin' cans of apple juice (26 oz each)
1 bottle of Diana's Gourmet Rib & Chicken BBQ sauce
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp of melted butter

Preheat the oven to 300F.

With 4 pounds of ribs, there should be 2 racks. Cut each rack into halves or thirds (this depends on how much you can scarf at one time) and put them into a deep baking pan. It is OK if you place them on top of each other to fit in the pan.

Open the big honkin' cans of apple juice and pour them into the pan. Cover the pan with foil and place it into the oven for 2 hours. This will allow the apple juice to break down the fat (yuck) and make the rib moist and tender (mmmmm...).

Then, take the ribs out of the oven and discard the juice. Don't drink it because it's gonna be hot and gross!

Place the ribs back into the baking dish (or two of them, depending how big the original pan is) so that they do not touch each other. Mix the butter, vinegar and BBQ sauce together, then completely coat (with a brush) the ribs with this mixture. Put the ribs back into the oven.

Every 15 minutes or so, take out the ribs, brush with more sauce, and bake them some more.

Do this basting/brushing procedure for a total of 90 minutes in the oven. Then, take the ribs out of the oven and let them rest for 5 minutes. Then serve!

This is enough food for 2-3 people or one hungry dog to scarf.

I hope you like them!

Happy Valentine's Day

Roel — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:06:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. Today is Valentine's Day and I wanted to wish everyone a good day!

I especially want to wish my momie (Kate), my Uncle Maffew and my Gummy a very Happy Valentine's Day. Also, my Auntie Sara, Angie, Kristen and my Uncle Tyler. They are all fun people.

Have a nice day. And give a doggie a hug!

WOOF!

Reach Out To Others

Roel — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 19:45:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. Today I am going to write about reaching out to others.

I am a very outgoing dog, but I sometimes like to keep to myself, especially in the winter when it is cold outside. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being around other dogs but I really need some time to myself. I have a lot of projects at home I am working on.

Then I remembered there are dogs in my life who I think about all of the time, but we don't bark much. For example, take my friend Ferd, who you will see in the next photo.

Ferd is a member of the ancient weiner dog stick people tribe and he gets out even less than I do. So I called him on the phone and we barked for hours. It is a good thing I called him - he wasn't feeling too well and hasn't eaten much lately. So, we talked about life and he said he was feeling better. So after he got off of the phone with me, he went out to pee and was going to get something to eat.

It is nice to reconnect with my dog friends.

So, if there is someone (or a dog) you are thinking about, reach out to them. Make the first move. It just might make your day (and theirs too).

Bad Customer Service

Roel — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 18:48:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. Today I am going to bark about customer service.

I am confused. Sometimes I go to the bank, to a store or I call a company with an issue I have regarding their service... and sadly, I often get treated badly, even though I am really cute and I have money (actually, I borrow my Gumpa's credit card, but I'm gonna pay him back).

I find this really strange. Don't companies want their customers to come back and buy more stuff from them? If they do, why do some companies treat their customers so badly? Doesn't a company need paying customers to survive and pay their employees? So why scare away their customers with bad service? I am a confused doggy.

Some companies are very good at customer service. Take FEDEX. I order stuff online, and they deliver it on time and the driver is very nice. And if they make a mistake, they apologize and fix the problem. Other delivery companies don't seem to care whether I get my package on time even though I paid for their service and they made a promise to me. They sometimes lie to me and tell me it is my fault. Lying to a doggy - how bad is that?

Then there are the airlines. One (small) airline I flew on in Canada is very good - they treated me nicely when I checked in and the employees at the scareport seemed to like their job. It showed in their work.

Then I flew with a big airline... and they charged me $35 for being 1kg over my weight limit (hey, bones and poop bags don't weigh that much!). No one there seemed to like their job. The person at check-in counter even said that the manglers (or is it managers?) in their company are sending them on training to learn "How to be not nice" to their passengers. Huh?

Different companies but in the same line of business. Which company do you think I will fly with again?

I've been barking to other dogs about this and they agree with me. They asked me to tell you that we do not need to accept bad customer service. Write complaint letters to the manglers of these companies and tell them how bad their service is. Or better still, do not give them your money.

Customers deserve to be treated with respect.

Maybe that's why we dogs like to bite people from the post office...

A Joke by Zeubie

Roel — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:20:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. I make a joke for you.

Question: What do you get when you get when you cross an insomniac with a dyslexic and an agnostic?

Answer: Someone who stays up all night worrying about whether there really is a dog!

Bah ha ha, I make a joke.

Sincerely,
Zeubie

Hey - You're Upside Down!

Roel — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 02:51:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again.

A few days ago, my Gummy told me that I am really cute and that I should do puppy boudoir photography (she said that all I had to do was roll around on my back and act cute), so I asked my Gumpa to help me.

When I was posing for Gumpa, I noticed something weird - everything was upside down! I said to him, "Hey Gumpa... why are you upside down? And, why is everything else upside down?"

Gumpa replied, "Zeubie, you're upside down! If you want to change how things look to you, then change your perspective."

I said, "Perspective? What's that?"

Gumpa said, "Just change the way you look at things - why not get off your back and onto your feet."

Wowee! When I got onto my feet, everything changed! Everything looked different. My world wasn't upside down anymore. All from a change in perspective.

So if your world looks upside down, change your perspective. You'll be surprised how different things look afterwards...

Food Review: Canine Cuisine

Roel — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:30:00 +0000

Hello, this is Zeubie again. As the resident gourmand, I am going to review all of the foods I eated.

Whenever I go out to pee or poop, I bark at other dogs and they bark at me. They ask me what I usually eat. So my first food review will be on Canine Cuisine.

Canine Cuisine is food for dogs but people can eat it too. You can ask my Uncle Maffew, he will tell you it is yummy. It is made from products that humans can eat, that is why they call it human grade. They are basically little (or big) meat loaves with other stuff that is for dogs.

It comes frozen and you can get 8 small loaves or a big loaf in a package. One small loaf is enough for me to eated in one day (I am 13.6 lbs - I am considering going on a see food diet - to eat all the food I see - ha ha ha). I have to get someone to cutted the big loafs into quarters as it is too much food for me, but I sometimes try to scarf all of it. Gummy says I can't cutted the big loaves myself because I do not have opposing thumbs (what the hell is that?).

Oh yeah, you need to thaw the food first before you eated it. Or your tongue will stick to the food.

This is a picture of me and my gummy doing some research on this food. You can check out the Canine Cuisine website for more information.

Scarfability of this food

As you can see by this picture, this food is easily scarfable. It is moist and we put it into the microwave oven for 15 seconds to release the aromas of the fine herbs in it. Mmmmmmmmmmm..........

Taste of this food

As you can see by the empty bowl in this picture, it tastes really yummy. I like lamb the best followed by chicken. Beef is OK.

Cost of this food

This food is quite expensive. It is $11.99 (Canadian Pesos) for a package of 8 small lamb loaves that will last me 8 days. But I eated it all so there is no wasted food. And it makes me really regular but sometimes it gives me gas. Gummy and Gumpa don't like it when I have gas and I break wind in their bedroom.

Overall Rating

4.5 BONES out of 5.0

I really like this food and recommend it to my friends. Can't you tell by this next picture it makes me a really happy dog?

Happy scarfing.

Movie Review: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Roel — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 03:51:00 +0000

I am happy to announce that I will be doing movie reviews. But I will only review the bestest movies as I am a busy dog.

This review is about, Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit. It was released in 2006 and was a smash hit (I hope no one got hurt when it smashed). My Gummy and Gumpa went out last night, so I decided to watch it again and provide a review.

In this movie, Wallace and Gromit are responsible for pest control. Everyone in their village is happy with them as they always save their vegetables from the rabbits. Rabbits like vegetables but I suspect they don't like to eated lamb cookies.

Wallace is an inventor and he invented a machine to do mind manipulation (kinda like the news media). He tried that machine on himself and a rabbit named Hutch, but something went wrong.

A big bad Were-Rabbit starts to eated all of the villagers' vegetables - and Wallace and Gromit cannot stop it.

The is one of the bestest movies I have ever watched. Wallace is Wallace and Gromit's performance is brilliant. He should have won the Oscar for the best dog in a movie. I was disappointed he didn't. There is a woman named "Totty" who looks like she is high maintenance and her so called "boyfriend" (I can't remember his name as he was a dufus) is a goof with a rug on his head. I didn't like them. What happened to Sean the sheep? I liked him.

Anyway, I was in suspense the whole time I watched the movie and almost peed on the sofa because it was so scary at times. Whoever wrote the story is a genie-oid.

Overall Rating - 5 BONES out of 5.

Hello - This is Zeubie!!

Roel — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 22:08:00 +0000

Hello everyone. My name is Zeus but you can call me Zeubie. I just learned HTML and now I have my own blog. I also have a website too. You can click here to see it.

It is tough being smart and cute. Thinking so much makes me hungry. I like pee-nut budder and lamb cookies. My gumpa gives them to me all of the time. And I eated them.

I will keep writing more as I learn more HTML. Come back and visit my blog. I have lots to say.

WOOF!